Eagles to Face Pats in Biggest Loser Consolation Bracket

This decade is only days old, and a new era has already begun in the NFL. No more Steelers, no more Patriots. Of the handful of franchises that defined the last ten years of football, only the Colts remain alive in their quest for this year’s Lombardi trophy.

Wildcard weekend had its share of shitbombs, but none more disappointing than the collective effort of the Eagles and Patriots…two teams of yesteryear that certainly held higher expectations than this.

All you need to know about the Patriots performance is that the Ravens put the scoreboard smack on them despite a QB rating of 10 by their starter. That’s right, Joe Flacco only needed 34 yards of passing for his team to blast Belichick’s bunch. Somewhere tonight, Trent Dilfer sheds tears of joy.

If Elmer Fudd had been calling the game, he would have needed but 6 words – “Way Wice wuns wampant with Wavens”. Say that five times fast.

Then there are the Eagles. The Dallas Cowboys needed all of 2 offensive play calls to give the dirty birds the beatdown of their lives. All night long it was either the quick draw WR screen or the HB delay that broke down an uninspired Eagles defense. It was like watching a retro-game of Tecmo Bowl on Nintendo. The Eagles countered by using 2 play calls of their own – the incomplete deep pass, and the incomplete moderately deep pass. The two best plays for the Eagles came on a Michael Vick trick play and, I shit you not, a McNabb interception. Guess who won that game?

What this means for the Patriots is that a lot of people not named Bill Belichick are likely to be canned, or sentenced to death by firing squad.

And for the Iggles, it will be pretty much the same ole’ story. Writers, bloggers, and fans saying that McNabb has played his last game in Philly…for about the 6th or 7th year in a row.

Fortunately, all will be forgotten in a few days when the media resumes an all new season of Favre-fest…which is scheduled to run at least until mid-August.

Stupid Eagles…

And the award goes to...Mr. Michael Vick

Because when you think of courage and honor, you think of Michael Vick.

Just before Christmas, it was announced that Michael Vick would be honored as a recipient of the Ed Block Courage Award…an annual accolade given to one representative from each team in the NFL. The award is voted on by peers for the player that best exemplifies the “principles of sportsmanship and courage”. The gobbledygook about this award goes on to say that each recipient “symbolizes professionalism, great strength and dedication”…and also serves as a “community role model”.

Yeah, that sounds like Michael Vick alright.

As expected, Vick’s honor has been met with protest. There is even a petition underway to stop the foundation from giving him the award.

But if the petition doesn’t work, Vickweed’s courageous name will be immortalized alongside other former Philly recipients like Jerome “Temper Tantrum” McDougle and Duce “Show me the Money” Staley.

Of course, Philadelphia isn’t the only team to feature some odd selections for the courage award. In 1992, the Oilers handed out the hardware to Warren “smack a bitch to the” Moon. Daunte “Loveboat Captain” Culpepper was voted in by the Vikes in 2001. In 2007, the award went to Ben Ruthlessberger Roethlisberger of the Steelers…perhaps for his “community outreach” work in Tahoe. And then there’s my personal favorite, Travis “promise to pull out” Henry for the Bills in 2004.

I’m usually not one to support random public protest, but I find it hard to believe that Michael Vick is deserving of such an award. It’s unlikely that Vickweed is the best community role model on the Eagles’ roster…or even the Raiders’ roster for that matter. Not to keep bashing the guy, but there is absolutely nothing about his story that spells courage. I guess unless you count the courage it takes to use a community shower in lock-up without soap-on-a-rope.

And you thought this year’s Nobel Peace Prize was a joke…

Still sick of Vick!