Today, we have 2 more stories to add to the ‘could only happen here’ crazy bucket:
First up is a tale of a drinking game gone wrong…and my official nomination for Best Headline of the Year…
Naked man hospitalized after drinking game leads to prosthetic leg being set aflame
You would think a headline like that needs no further explanation, but trust me…the story gets even better.
“The victim told investigators that since he drank only six beers, the least amount, he agreed to let his friends set him on fire.”
Quite possibly the lamest (slight pun intended) drinking game ever. If only a couple of paddles had been readily available for a simple game of beer pong, perhaps this entire tragedy could have been avoided.
“Not being able to stand the pain, the victim disrobed. His friends then decided to take him to the hospital but became "nervous and dropped the victim off" on U.S. 70…”
His “friends”? Really? If you’re willing to drop off a naked one-legged burn victim on the side of the road instead of the hospital, I’m not sure that the title of “friend” is entirely appropriate. And for the record, highway 70 is nowhere near either area hospital. A rough night made even worse for the hop-along hitchhiker.
“When questioned by deputies if he had asked his friends to stop at any point in time while setting him on fire, he stated "no, he lost the bet" and therefore did not attempt to stop them.”
All things considered, you gotta hand it to the guy for respecting the code and honor of “the bet”. You beat me fair and square, the lighter fluid and matches are under the sink.
Hopping along to a slightly more serious matter…
Next, we have a real-life reenactment of The Last Samurai:
Sword-wielding man shot, killed by Las Cruces police officer
“Officers responded just before 8:30 a.m. to a report that an agitated, shirtless man was waving a samurai sword in a hostile manner…”
There probably aren’t too many happy-ending stories that begin with a shirtless swordsman running around at 8 o’clock in the morning. I am curious though, how did they determine that he was waving the sword around in a hostile manner? Is it even possible to wave around a samurai sword in a non-hostile manner? Maybe he was just a dedicated landscaper trying to beat the summer heat and get a head start on his tree-pruning.
“One witness said she saw the man raise the 4-foot sword at the officer, who fired three shots at the man. The officer then kicked the sword out of the man's reach.”
I suppose this was the safe play just in case the guy turned out to be a Terminator.
“…the incident will undergo a multi-agency investigation and both the officer who fired the shots - a seven-year veteran of the department - and the other responding officer will be placed on standard administrative leave pending the outcome of that investigation.”
We may need a little help bringing in a few more investigators. Because they could be busy with a few other police cases first. Like the officer that tasered an unarmed teenage girl at a basketball tourney. Or another officer that shot a 17-year old shoplifter five times…after the victim fled and attempted to drive off in a police cruiser. Or yet another officer that shot a guy in the chest, who was armed with only an 8-inch butcher knife and a baseball bat.
It’s certainly been a busy year for the Las Cruces police squad. One can only hope that all these investigations don’t interrupt their “Tasers are for Teens” training program.
