NBA Trade Alert - More Change in Utah

More news for the dozens of people that might still give a rat’s ass about the NBA. Deron Williams, franchise point guard of the Utah Jazz, has been traded to the New Jersey Nets. That’s right, the one decent player they had left has been dealt…just weeks after the Jazz said goodbye to longtime head coach Jerry Sloan.

Me, oh my! I’ve been a fan of the consistent mediocrity that is Utah Jazz basketball for so long! What shall I do now?

The trade itself is fairly shocking, although it probably shouldn’t be. It was becoming increasingly evident that Deron Williams no longer wanted to stay in Utah over the long-term. And usually when a superstar starts to tip in that direction, the situation can only get worse.

So there goes my favorite player…from my favorite team…in what used to be my favorite sport. Que sera, sera.

But since I like to play armchair G.M. anyway, I might as well give my two cents on this deal (assuming the early reports are correct).


Here’s what New Jersey gets:

- Deron Williams (PG), easily one of the best point guards in the league. At age 26, still in his prime years…and under contract through next season with a player option for 2012-13.


Utah gets:

- Derrick Favors (PF), 3rd overall pick in last year’s draft. Mixed results in limited action so far this season, but incredible potential and highly-valued prospect.


- Devin Harris (PG), an underrated, savvy point guard with solid skill set. Soon-to-be 28, should still have a few years left as a legitimate NBA starter. Contract goes through the next two seasons, at a considerably lower price tag than Deron would have.


- 2 First Round Draft Picks? Seriously? Reports say that one of the picks will be New Jersey's first rounder for this year’s draft, and the other is Golden State's for next year.


- And $3 million on top of that?

If you consider that Deron Williams was probably not going to stay in Utah, then I can’t blame the Jazz for pulling the trigger here. They get two starting players for the price of one, with 2 first-round picks and cash to boot. For a fringe-playoff team with no clear direction, it doesn’t get much better than this.

I recently wondered if they would try to trade Deron, especially with the fan backlash he received over Sloan’s resignation. I didn’t expect it to happen this soon, but at least it didn’t drag out like the Carmelo Anthony situation.

All in all, this is a great value deal out of a situation that wasn’t likely to get any better. The pieces are now in place to maintain mediocrity for years to come. Crisis averted. Go Jazz!

I Love the Way You Loathe Me

Did you know that Valentine’s Day was originally intended to recognize Christian martyrs, and had absolutely nothing to do with romantic love?

But who am I to question “tradition”? After all, we really should have a day every year to celebrate love, romance, and relationships. Oh wait, we already have day like that…it’s called an ANNIVERSARY!

Whether the V-Day tradition makes sense or not, let’s face it…there’s no stopping it now. If you’re married or in a relationship, if you show up without at least a box of chocolates…you might as well start checking Priceline for doghouse reservations.

It’s not that I’m bitter, or even that I have anything against tradition. It’s just that I prefer traditions with some sort of logical meaning. And there’s nothing wrong with romance either. But tell me what’s more romantic…a spontaneous act of kindness for the one you love, or a dozen over-priced roses purchased out of obligation?

So with the unstoppable force of V-Day already in full effect, I consider it my duty to balance things out a little…and rant about a few things I loathe.

Super Bowl Scuffle

I think it’s safe to say that football is the new American pastime. Super Bowl television ratings were at an all-time high, while World Series ratings reached an all-time low in 2010. Keeping with the theme of tradition, no other event in the United States can compete with Super Bowl Sunday.

But as a football fan, the hype surrounding the Super Bowl is just too much. The commercials alone have become a distracting spectacle. A couple of years ago, Jennifer Hudson was praised for her performance of the national anthem…which we later found out was just lip-synching. Then this year, Christina Aguilera performs it live, but creates an absolute frenzy by botching the words. Even celebrities crashed the Super Bowl scene, appearing on pre-game shows to pimp their shitty movies. They even had a red carpet for fuck’s sake.

Unfortunately, all that hype fits all too well with another American tradition – taking something good, and blowing it out of proportion.

Discourse Crash-Course

Speaking of Super Bowl absurdity, what was going on with that Bill O’Reilly interview of President Obama right before the game? Now even football has to be politicized? Heaven help us.

It was bad enough that they aired the interview in the midst of Super Bowl coverage. After all, politics and football go together about as well as peanut butter and pickled herring. But the interview itself was a complete disgrace. It consisted of Bill O’Reilly interrupting every Obama response, doing his best to lure him into a heated argument. As usual, Obama remained calm and kept his cool…but O’Reilly’s egotistical arrogance was on full display.

If that is Fox’s version of “fair and balanced”, I’d hate to see what they think of as dishonest and biased. Stay classy, Faux News.

Weather, Man!

It’s a tad ironic that all it takes to heat up the debate on global warming is a record-breaking round of winter weather. After this last batch of winter storms that affected the entire country, I’ve heard some of the same old skeptical comments about global warming. Many of which came from otherwise intelligent friends and family. You know, stuff like – “Al Gore needs to come help me shovel the global warming off of my sidewalk.”

Never mind the obvious holes in that logic. Like the fact that climate change occurs in a cycle, and extreme weather changes of any kind do more to substantiate global warming theory than to disprove it. And that global warming (aka – climate change) doesn’t literally mean the temperature is supposed to be warmer each and every day. Even though that faulty reasoning is enough to make your head spin…that still isn’t what bothers me the most. What I want to know is - what are skeptics really fighting for?

Even if you believe that climate change is a hoax, shouldn’t you still be concerned about pollution of our planet…and destruction of our non-renewable natural resources? Does one really have to believe the world is going to end…before realizing that we are doing something decidedly unnatural to our planet? The first time I went to Los Angeles, I was mortified that I could barely see the sun through the smog. And that was over 15 years ago. I heard people argue that last year’s BP oil spill could be contained naturally, because “the ocean would take care of it”. I challenge any of those skeptics to go take a nice, refreshing swim in the Hudson River…and then tell me how clean and natural our planet still is.

Are skeptics really opposed to clean energy? Are they afraid that if we build too many wind turbines, that we’ll eventually run out of wind? Or that solar panels would literally soak up the sun? I don’t quite get it.

Just Desserts

But back to Valentine’s Day. Just to prove I’m not completely cynical, let me offer a last minute gift suggestion. Especially for those women that may be feeling bad about making their man sit through another god-awful Jennifer Aniston romantic comedy.

Here we have the sweet and sexy edible candy g-string and bra.

This really is the perfect gift. Why make your man eat boring old hard candy out of a dinky cardboard box, when he can eat it out of your box instead? Nothing says love like a helping of sweet tarts served out of a sweaty ass crack. Make your man feel special tonight.

Happy V-Day!

Sloan Tired of All That Jazz

If not for the unheard consistency of the Utah Jazz franchise, I likely would have lost interest in the NBA a long time ago. I became a fan of the team way back in the late 1980’s, and haven’t given up on them since.

But today, that era of Utah basketball has officially ended with the unexpected resignation of long-time head coach Jerry Sloan.

It may not be quite the exit that he envisioned, but it’s a well-earned retirement nonetheless. Not only did he serve as the head coach in Utah for 23 seasons, but he made his mark as an NBA player for the Chicago Bulls in the 60’s & 70’s. He walks away from the game leaving a legacy that won’t soon be forgotten.

As the league and the game changed, Sloan never did. His fierce competitive nature and work ethic made everyone around him that much better. Though his teams never achieved the ultimate goal of a championship, Sloan always got the most out his players. His signature philosophy of hard-nosed defense and fundamental basketball kept his teams competitive year after year, even when short on talent.

As a fan, I would just like to say thanks to coach Sloan for all the years of hard work and dedication. You will be missed.

One can only hope that newly appointed head coach Tyrone Corbin can establish the same kind of consistency that Sloan did for all those years. But it won’t be easy.

Though most of the team’s issues have been kept behind closed doors, it’s clear that something isn’t quite right in Utah. The front office has done a solid job of replacing departed talent, but this year’s team has yet to put it all together. Add to that the speculation over Deron Williams’ future with the team, and you have quite a mess.

Even though it probably wasn’t just one thing that led to Sloan’s retirement, the timing of his resignation indicates that the team isn’t headed in a positive direction. The talent level is about the same as it has been over the past few years, but the chemistry isn’t there.

So there is probably much more to the story of Sloan’s retirement, but none of it really matters at this point. It’s a new era for Utah Jazz basketball, and we’ll just have to wait and see what happens.

On another note, ESPN still sucks! I have stopped tuning in to SportsCenter completely, but flipped over to ESPiN today to see the story on Sloan. They had a brief and uninformative interview with former Jazz center Mark Eaton, and then went into a lengthy segment about how wonderful the Miami Heat are supposed to be. As if we were still unaware of LeBron taking his talents to South Beach. They even had dramatic background music and everything.

Thank you ESPiN, for doing your best to destroy sports journalism. Keep rolling those Blake Griffin and Stephen Curry highlights…and I’ll keep waiting for a Golden State/LA Clippers conference finals showdown. Stupid pricks.