But who am I to question “tradition”? After all, we really should have a day every year to celebrate love, romance, and relationships. Oh wait, we already have day like that…it’s called an ANNIVERSARY!
Whether the V-Day tradition makes sense or not, let’s face it…there’s no stopping it now. If you’re married or in a relationship, if you show up without at least a box of chocolates…you might as well start checking Priceline for doghouse reservations.
It’s not that I’m bitter, or even that I have anything against tradition. It’s just that I prefer traditions with some sort of logical meaning. And there’s nothing wrong with romance either. But tell me what’s more romantic…a spontaneous act of kindness for the one you love, or a dozen over-priced roses purchased out of obligation?
So with the unstoppable force of V-Day already in full effect, I consider it my duty to balance things out a little…and rant about a few things I loathe.
Super Bowl Scuffle
I think it’s safe to say that football is the new American pastime. Super Bowl television ratings were at an all-time high, while World Series ratings reached an all-time low in 2010. Keeping with the theme of tradition, no other event in the United States can compete with Super Bowl Sunday.
But as a football fan, the hype surrounding the Super Bowl is just too much. The commercials alone have become a distracting spectacle. A couple of years ago, Jennifer Hudson was praised for her performance of the national anthem…which we later found out was just lip-synching. Then this year, Christina Aguilera performs it live, but creates an absolute frenzy by botching the words. Even celebrities crashed the Super Bowl scene, appearing on pre-game shows to pimp their shitty movies. They even had a red carpet for fuck’s sake.
Unfortunately, all that hype fits all too well with another American tradition – taking something good, and blowing it out of proportion.
Discourse Crash-Course
Speaking of Super Bowl absurdity, what was going on with that Bill O’Reilly interview of President Obama right before the game? Now even football has to be politicized? Heaven help us.
It was bad enough that they aired the interview in the midst of Super Bowl coverage. After all, politics and football go together about as well as peanut butter and pickled herring. But the interview itself was a complete disgrace. It consisted of Bill O’Reilly interrupting every Obama response, doing his best to lure him into a heated argument. As usual, Obama remained calm and kept his cool…but O’Reilly’s egotistical arrogance was on full display.
If that is Fox’s version of “fair and balanced”, I’d hate to see what they think of as dishonest and biased. Stay classy, Faux News.
Weather, Man!
It’s a tad ironic that all it takes to heat up the debate on global warming is a record-breaking round of winter weather. After this last batch of winter storms that affected the entire country, I’ve heard some of the same old skeptical comments about global warming. Many of which came from otherwise intelligent friends and family. You know, stuff like – “Al Gore needs to come help me shovel the global warming off of my sidewalk.”
Never mind the obvious holes in that logic. Like the fact that climate change occurs in a cycle, and extreme weather changes of any kind do more to substantiate global warming theory than to disprove it. And that global warming (aka – climate change) doesn’t literally mean the temperature is supposed to be warmer each and every day. Even though that faulty reasoning is enough to make your head spin…that still isn’t what bothers me the most. What I want to know is - what are skeptics really fighting for?
Even if you believe that climate change is a hoax, shouldn’t you still be concerned about pollution of our planet…and destruction of our non-renewable natural resources? Does one really have to believe the world is going to end…before realizing that we are doing something decidedly unnatural to our planet? The first time I went to Los Angeles, I was mortified that I could barely see the sun through the smog. And that was over 15 years ago. I heard people argue that last year’s BP oil spill could be contained naturally, because “the ocean would take care of it”. I challenge any of those skeptics to go take a nice, refreshing swim in the Hudson River…and then tell me how clean and natural our planet still is.
Are skeptics really opposed to clean energy? Are they afraid that if we build too many wind turbines, that we’ll eventually run out of wind? Or that solar panels would literally soak up the sun? I don’t quite get it.
Just Desserts
But back to Valentine’s Day. Just to prove I’m not completely cynical, let me offer a last minute gift suggestion. Especially for those women that may be feeling bad about making their man sit through another god-awful Jennifer Aniston romantic comedy.
Here we have the sweet and sexy edible candy g-string and bra.
This really is the perfect gift. Why make your man eat boring old hard candy out of a dinky cardboard box, when he can eat it out of your box instead? Nothing says love like a helping of sweet tarts served out of a sweaty ass crack. Make your man feel special tonight.
Happy V-Day!
