Reviews claimed that this was the best of the Paranormal Activity series, which is backed by some impressive box office numbers over the weekend. Or it could be due to the fact that there is absolute shit else out there to watch, and Paranormal 3 wins the box office battle by default.
Best of the series? Methinks not. Same worked-over formula, same unrealistic premise, but this time even shittier acting.
I could rant all day on this one, but I’ll keep my complaints to a few focused points. I suppose a spoiler alert is in order, although if you haven’t watched it yet…I wouldn’t bother:
- Some scenes from the previews didn’t even appear in the movie. Among the most notable were the two girls saying “Bloody Mary” in front of the bathroom mirror. There were a couple of other scenes missing as well, not too sure why. The term false advertising comes to mind.
- Did I mention the shitty acting? Case in point, one of the early scenes featured the mother agreeing to make a sex tape after blazing up some weed. I called bullshit on that one, no way they let that go far enough for her to get naked. But in starting this scene, they approach each other on the bed while both were still standing on their knees. Not only were they clearly uncomfortable with each other, but it looked they weren’t even comfortable with the surroundings of what was supposed to be their bedroom. I’ve seen better chemistry between Alien vs. Predator.
- Since this was a prequel set in 1988, the main character used VHS as his means of filming the house. In the movie, he explains that the tapes have to be changed out every six hours…but somehow the video was still able to record throughout the entire night. He also mentioned that since he used 2 cameras, every day he was responsible for looking through 12 hours of video tape. Silly me, expecting a little realism in a documentary-style film.
- Apparently, ghosts can be both short and tall at the same time. The house was haunted by a ghost named Toby, described as a tall older man…that oddly enough lived in the upstairs crawl space. Later in the film, the ghost is seen walking around wearing a sheet…but is only about 3 feet tall. Midgets might have been frightening in Willy Wonka, but not so much here.
- Seriously, who worries about carrying a camera when they fear for their life? I understand that it wouldn’t be much of a movie with the camera pointed at the wall…but still.
I’ll do you a favor and save you a few bucks on a movie ticket. Never play bloody Mary, kids that talk to imaginary friends are creepy, and nobody should ever live in a two-story house under any circumstances. And if grandma worships the devil and hosts cult meetings at her place, you may not want to take the kids for a sleepover. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…
I didn't see the first two and now you've ruined the third one for me... Or should I watch them in reverse like with the Star Wars movies? Had Lucas made the films in that order it would not have been such a shock that Vader was Luke's father.
ReplyDeleteNetflix made some of the best business decisions in recent history lately.
Netflix board room: Hey guys, let's double the price nobody will give a shit.
I've seen Blockbuster commercials offering a similar service, nice to see them coming back from the dead. Can't get enough of those shitty movies that nobody has ever heard of.
Actually, you should probably just watch the first one and stop there. Much like the Scream series.
ReplyDeleteI think I'll just wait another year or so to see how the Netflix vs. Blockbuster battle turns out. For now I'll just stick to bad made-for-TV monster movies on SyFy. Maybe one of these days Sharktopus will take on Godzilla.